It's scary. Today I've
never thought about it really, well, I've tried to avoid the thoughts. I
get scared. But today I was told information I guess I really should
have known. I just never asked because I assumed we were the same. Now
knowing we aren't... I feel so behind. No, behind isn't the right word.
I'm not sure how to explain this feeling. But it's filled with worry.
The day started off. Woke up at 10, Tonpi had school today, only me and Ai didn't, so she wasn't there. Ai and her friends were going out and I was invited. This was at 12:30. We first went to some resturant. It was one of those resturants where there's a grill in the middle of the table and when you order your food you have to cook it. It was fun. It was me, Ai, Saori, and Yuko. haha yeah, Yuko. She wasn't strange this time though thank god haha. She's actually really cool. We were enjoying ourselves. After that we went to the mall to meet up with another friend, Sayaka. Our first stop after that was to the arcade for some Purikura and then we were off to karaoke. Yes. Today was my first experence at (Japanese) karaoke. And it was fun actually.
Karaoke is kinda expensive here. I myself don't know how much it is but I was just listening to their conversations and it was mentioned once. It's not something you do often, lets just say that. I attempted at a few songs. The only songs I fully sang out though were the only two I know the words to. An Cafe's "Cherry Saku Yuuki" and Perfume's "Secret Secret". Another one which I pretty much knew all the words to (only because it was on the screen haha) was Greeeen's "Ai Uta". With the songs we all took parts singing. Like one person would have chours and such. I can read hiragana and katakana so it made things so much simpiler for me. Above each kanji was the hiragana for it so I was able to follow along to all of it. Then there was also EXILE's "Won't Be Long". There were some parts in that song that were English so they let me sing those parts to it haha. They were impressed but it's like one of those, "oh, everyone's crazy so we can scream and laugh and stuff about everything", haha, ya know? Still it was cool.
I'm getting a keitai (cell phone) people! Yes, a Japanese keitai. Soon. At karaoke everyone was asking if I had one again and wanting my number. I told them I was getting one soon and they were all happy but the one who seemed the happyist was Ai. It was weird like she jumped up all excited next to Sayaka. They were going to get my email address if I didn't tell them that, maybe I should have waited, but still. I don't know if it was just the mood like I explained above (the whole we're all crazy already thing) or if me and Ai kinda bonded a bit. It's hard to tell. I mean, out of all people here I want to bond with her the most, since we were the same, and I try not to be a bother to her but yet... I don't know. I try and maybe it's working? I hope so.
And then I found out we aren't the same. I'm not same as any of them. Saori and Yuko were asking me how long I was going to be here for. Apparently Ai didn't know either. I told them till the end of July and they were both excited. Since I won't be with the Fukaya's (the family I'm with now) in March (unfortually) they told me I have to come to their graduation. School ends in March here and then there's a break before the next year. But that word "graduation" is what stopped me. When they were saying this, they were talking about EVERYONE. I asked, "minna wa san nensei? [everyone is 3rd year students?]" Like it was supposed to be obvious they answered me with a yes. I turned to Ai and asked her if she was one too. She is. Since they are all the same age as me I assumed that they were ni nensei [2nd year students] too like me. These people are my senpai. But I don't think of it that way. It's different to me.
These people are graduating in just a few months. I mean, technally I'm supposed to be too but here I see myself as that ni nensei. I'm not that san nensei yet. I'll still be in school when they're not. I'll be that san nensei when they're gone. (I'm actually going to be a san nensei before I come back to America as well). They'll be gone living their life. They'll be on their own. But now when I think about it, I'm getting scared, about the future. I really shouldn't be but it's freaking me out for some reason, and now I'm starting to realize how much I'm missing my friends at school now too. Today I started to realize how you are supposed to spend your last year of school. And today, today is actually the first time I'm feeling sad here.
Every night it's always me and Ai the last one's sitting in the living room. We never usually talk, which is pretty ackward but she's always texting on her phone anyway so it's not like we need to have a conversation which is good. But I had to ask her. Ever since I found out she's a san nensei, that's all that's been on my mind. Just that knowledge. I asked her what she plans on doing after graduation. She said she's going to find a buiesness related job. I asked about going to college and she said she wants to but she doesn't have the money for it, it's too expensive. She plans on still living in Hitachi. And then I asked if she was a little scared about being alone. With a smile she responded, "chotto [a little]". I can't tell what she was thinking or feeling. I highly doubt it phased her one bit. But now it just makes me wonder. I wonder if she is scared a little just like me.
The day started off. Woke up at 10, Tonpi had school today, only me and Ai didn't, so she wasn't there. Ai and her friends were going out and I was invited. This was at 12:30. We first went to some resturant. It was one of those resturants where there's a grill in the middle of the table and when you order your food you have to cook it. It was fun. It was me, Ai, Saori, and Yuko. haha yeah, Yuko. She wasn't strange this time though thank god haha. She's actually really cool. We were enjoying ourselves. After that we went to the mall to meet up with another friend, Sayaka. Our first stop after that was to the arcade for some Purikura and then we were off to karaoke. Yes. Today was my first experence at (Japanese) karaoke. And it was fun actually.
Karaoke is kinda expensive here. I myself don't know how much it is but I was just listening to their conversations and it was mentioned once. It's not something you do often, lets just say that. I attempted at a few songs. The only songs I fully sang out though were the only two I know the words to. An Cafe's "Cherry Saku Yuuki" and Perfume's "Secret Secret". Another one which I pretty much knew all the words to (only because it was on the screen haha) was Greeeen's "Ai Uta". With the songs we all took parts singing. Like one person would have chours and such. I can read hiragana and katakana so it made things so much simpiler for me. Above each kanji was the hiragana for it so I was able to follow along to all of it. Then there was also EXILE's "Won't Be Long". There were some parts in that song that were English so they let me sing those parts to it haha. They were impressed but it's like one of those, "oh, everyone's crazy so we can scream and laugh and stuff about everything", haha, ya know? Still it was cool.
I'm getting a keitai (cell phone) people! Yes, a Japanese keitai. Soon. At karaoke everyone was asking if I had one again and wanting my number. I told them I was getting one soon and they were all happy but the one who seemed the happyist was Ai. It was weird like she jumped up all excited next to Sayaka. They were going to get my email address if I didn't tell them that, maybe I should have waited, but still. I don't know if it was just the mood like I explained above (the whole we're all crazy already thing) or if me and Ai kinda bonded a bit. It's hard to tell. I mean, out of all people here I want to bond with her the most, since we were the same, and I try not to be a bother to her but yet... I don't know. I try and maybe it's working? I hope so.
And then I found out we aren't the same. I'm not same as any of them. Saori and Yuko were asking me how long I was going to be here for. Apparently Ai didn't know either. I told them till the end of July and they were both excited. Since I won't be with the Fukaya's (the family I'm with now) in March (unfortually) they told me I have to come to their graduation. School ends in March here and then there's a break before the next year. But that word "graduation" is what stopped me. When they were saying this, they were talking about EVERYONE. I asked, "minna wa san nensei? [everyone is 3rd year students?]" Like it was supposed to be obvious they answered me with a yes. I turned to Ai and asked her if she was one too. She is. Since they are all the same age as me I assumed that they were ni nensei [2nd year students] too like me. These people are my senpai. But I don't think of it that way. It's different to me.
These people are graduating in just a few months. I mean, technally I'm supposed to be too but here I see myself as that ni nensei. I'm not that san nensei yet. I'll still be in school when they're not. I'll be that san nensei when they're gone. (I'm actually going to be a san nensei before I come back to America as well). They'll be gone living their life. They'll be on their own. But now when I think about it, I'm getting scared, about the future. I really shouldn't be but it's freaking me out for some reason, and now I'm starting to realize how much I'm missing my friends at school now too. Today I started to realize how you are supposed to spend your last year of school. And today, today is actually the first time I'm feeling sad here.
Every night it's always me and Ai the last one's sitting in the living room. We never usually talk, which is pretty ackward but she's always texting on her phone anyway so it's not like we need to have a conversation which is good. But I had to ask her. Ever since I found out she's a san nensei, that's all that's been on my mind. Just that knowledge. I asked her what she plans on doing after graduation. She said she's going to find a buiesness related job. I asked about going to college and she said she wants to but she doesn't have the money for it, it's too expensive. She plans on still living in Hitachi. And then I asked if she was a little scared about being alone. With a smile she responded, "chotto [a little]". I can't tell what she was thinking or feeling. I highly doubt it phased her one bit. But now it just makes me wonder. I wonder if she is scared a little just like me.
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